November 9, 2024
Do you want to ‘be awakened’?
The first step to awakening isn’t about change or fixing yourself, ironically.
It’s just about realizing you’re not awake yet.
It’s about coming to terms with just how asleep you really are.
We control our own awakening.
Being fully awake will only happen if we intend for it to happen.
And it isn’t nearly as ‘cosmic’ as I thought.
In fact,
it’s practical af.
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Waking up takes effort; it’s something that can be attained.
If you’re like me and you’ve always imagined it to be like a lucky lightning strike from the cosmos,
this is great news!
It’s within your reach
if you want it.
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Waking up is about becoming aware of yourself, daily.
A simple concept that is ultra hard to execute.
It’s said that most people that desire to wake up,
aren’t willing to truly conquer this first step.
Increasing our self-awareness (our sense of being present)
is the first mile on the road to awakening.
Raw and undisguised self-awareness,
as crude and un-spiritual as it might feel,
will begin the process of waking up.
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In plain terms, waking up has everything to do with detaching (on purpose)
from our “normal” lives.
We want to begin the process of seeing ourselves as something other than
what we do, or what we look like, or how we feel.
Conscious detachment from such things.
An effort to consciously distance yourself from that-
just the effort alone-
will light the fire of your awakening.
We must try to wake up in order to realize we are asleep.
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Waking up is a daily identification with the Soul
instead of identifying with our own personality.
Daily habits, compulsions, mechanical patterns-
we must recognize these for what they are.
They are not the Soul.
99% of what we identify with
is not our Soul.
A daily challenging of the illusion that is the “norm”
is absolutely essential.
I’m talking about small things, big things, important things, and nonsense.
Facial expressions, how you walk, what you eat, the way you smile for a photo, your tone of voice and what you say, how you respond to things, what you want, what turns you on and what turns you off… anything and everything.
Your Soul is something altogether different than any of these things,
but these habitual behaviors constitute 99% of who we feel we are.
Feeding our awareness daily is the only way to begin to truly wake up.
It’s a slow process but a sure one.
It requires faith and a willingness to work at it.
I’m so grateful that the inner work itself
feeds my faith in the transformative power of the inner work itself.
No wonder it’s called a virtuous circle.
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Know this:
It is your responsibility alone to wake yourself up.
It’s in your hands- no one else’s.
And it’s a slow burn.
If you’re like me,
you’ll realize quickly that you’re in it for the long haul.
This fire of self-awareness burns steady but slow.
There will be no overnight changes or sudden overhauls of your personality that instantly cause you to identify with your Soul.
In fact, if you jump the gun and convince yourself that you’ve attained “enlightenment” after a short while
or “found the real you” as some people call it,
you risk developing a really convincing Spiritual Persona
to further entrench your ego and further push down your Soul.
Talk about dangerous and twisted.
I’ll guard against this at all costs.
My damned religious upbringing taught me well how to fake it
and create a stellar persona of spirituality and righteousness-
I’ll choose to use this to my advantage and stay keenly aware of any such thing trying to creep its way in.
This is certainly far from the “pray a prayer and be saved” dogma.
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Unfortunately for some,
we won’t become fully awake through hours of meditation alone
or with any other spiritual techniques or inner work modalities
if we aren’t ready to carry out our “spirituality” in mundane, daily life activities.
Real identification with our Soul starts to form in the insignificant and fleeting moments of everyday life.
Yes, sparks ignite during meditation and other spiritual modalities.
Inspirations are felt.
Certainly, hints are received of our state of sleepiness.
But true awakening is reserved for those who search for it diligently in the nitty gritty of life-
for those who intend to live it out daily.
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A truly awakened human stays awake in her everyday life,
as mundane and ordinary as it may be.
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She meditates,
but she doesn’t rely primarily on a spiritual setting
or a dedicated time for practicing her inner work.
She keeps her awareness always top of mind, if she purposes to wake up.
And even when she realizes that she was totally unaware during her day
and lost all distinction of her Soul vs personality,
even then… she gains awareness.
Remember, this is a slow burn and every time raw awareness or lack thereof is realized, the Soul gains traction.
Awakening will begin to happen for those who have the craving to wake up
and are willing to realize their Soul as not being awake yet, not even a little.
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It’s inevitable once this becomes our state of being.
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Personally,
I expected my inner work to be something of a complex puzzle.
I was pep-talking myself for embracing discomforts like a badass
and bracing myself for a heroic quest to become a higher version of myself.
I came in guns-a-blazing.
Fast, heavy, urgent.
No, no, no.
I’ve been humbled quickly.
I needed it.
I’ve seen very quickly
that I’m already years into my process of waking up,
and I’m still in the very beginning phases.
That was a hard pill to swallow, at first.
The disillusionment was real.
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I’ve now been introduced to the teachings of Inner Alchemy by Riccardo Carra
and am deeply grateful to have him as my teacher.
It repeats in my head, “There’s no going back from here. Give me fire.”
My intentional self awareness process
has begun gently and lovingly.
It’s such a paradox to me, the slow burn.
The steady and slow burn of my intentional self awareness feels like real love,
more than any self-motivating talks about my own ‘unused potential’ and ‘higher versions of myself.’
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Are you willing to realize the true extent of your ‘sleep’ and mechanical behaviors that make up your ‘normal’ right now?
Am I willing to realize it?
This is a requirement.
It is the only way.
You must realize how asleep and mechanical you really are.
One thing is for sure-
until we truly observe ourselves and realize
that 99% of what we do is mechanical
and is performed unconsciously,
we have not yet taken the first major step towards waking up our soul.
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It isn’t pretty.
Not in the least.
It’s humbling.
A heart-wrenching love that our Soul gives to us in order to wake us up.
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I can clearly see how everything in my life has led me to this point to become an Alchemist of my inner world.
Rest assured.
Nothing in your life is wasted,
and you can begin to wake up if you are willing to keep it real with yourself
and become aware of your true state of being.
Till next Saturday,
Angel