September 14, 2024
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If you realize a disconnect
between your soul and your body,
you can literally bring them closer together.
Keep reading as I explain
the ways I did it,
in detail.
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But first, the secret:
The more real and concrete you picture the disconnection,
not leaving it abstract,
then the more real and human the reintegration will be.
_____________________
This letter is not about why your emotional body needs healing (trauma, past experiences, etc).
This letter is not about the reasons for your emotional body reacting the way it has to your life.
Read this letter if you want to hear my story
of how I am reconnecting my heart, soul, and emotions with my body
after I realized a severe disconnection at age 37.
Because everything else is just water under the bridge, for me.
I’m using the bridge to cross over to the other side,
and that is where my focus remains.
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S u g g e s t i v e –
U n d e r t o n e s –
A l e r t
* sly chuckle*
Don’t worry, I’m not going to get explicit, nor will I ever get explicit in my Letters.
I’m 40 years old and I’m going to assume that only grown women are reading this.
_____________________
At 37, I found myself without my deeply rooted role and identity as a wife.
I was only a woman and mother, freestanding but lost.
But the Universe sent me an intense, strong, and profound man to help me find my way-
the most open-hearted soul I’ve ever known.
My deeply intimate connection with him awakened a part of me that I had long forgotten-
more than that…
I truly didn’t even know it existed.
It’s because of him-
his touch, his words, his presence, his energy-
that my heart began to open and my mind began to craft a Playground
where my real self ran free and felt unconstrained.
It was through the physicality of our relationship and the truth of profound, real love,
that I first experienced the expression of myself again
using my human body, my humanity.
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The transformation of my emotional body began there, but by no means ends there.
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My relationship with him profoundly impacted my journey back to myself.
I am deeply grateful to the Universe and to the Transformer.
I intend to bring you along for the ride on my blog and my Youtube channel
as I manifest that penetrating, transformative energy in all the ways that I can-
through music, words, movement, and my own transformed energy.
A REAL connection between my soul and my physical body is forming now,
where there was a significant disconnect.
And I am compelled to ignite this flame in the consciousness of other women .
_____________________
The Epiphany
The Transformer helped open my mind and heart, allowing me to receive a life-changing epiphany at age 39.
The epiphany connected everything up to that point and the open-minded self expression I had with the Transformer was a building block.
I will look for more epiphanies to continue moving me forward in my journey.
This realization was visual, and it was sensation based-
sights, perceptions, sounds, smells-
all of my humanity was involved in revealing this to me.
______
I became fully aware that my human mind and my physical body
were separated
from my heart and my feelings.
My physical body was deeply disconnected from my light body.
______
I understood the seriousness of the disconnect
and felt the confusion and emptiness in my physical body.
I will talk more about the epiphany in future Letters,
but for now, listen to what I DID about it.
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I had 2 options, as far as I could tell.
I could either begin
by causing my physical body to go towards the spirit side of me
(which was confusing because I couldn’t see where the spiritual things were inside of me or if they even existed)
OR
I could assume that whatever isn’t physical in me might be my spirit/soul,
and whatever was there
could come towards my human body.
Stay with me- this will make sense.
Frankly, I KNEW what it felt like
for my soul to connect with my physical body
during the intense and loving relationship with the Transformer;
I knew that it was possible to bring my spirit up into my body
using my body.
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So, this is what I intended to do-
bring whatever was non-physical and therefore was spiritual
up
and into my body to connect and merge.
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“Spiritual things” felt very confusing to me because I didn’t trust my own thought constructs-
my thought constructs had been given to me through strict religion, the family trance I was a part of,
and a less-than-free-thinking marriage dynamic.
This is why the first distinction felt like such an easy one-
Whatever is NOT my physical body
is going to be treated as if it is my spirit and soul.
Period.
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My Soul-Body Reintegration Process
So, I called it up.
I called up my soul to my body.
I summoned it to wake up and move upward.
And I did it often- a few times a week for many months.
I still do it.
What did I do exactly?
Well, I used my body.
And I used music and sounds.
I used my hands and my arms:
waving my hands, extending my arms wide open,
grabbing the air, wiggling my fingers with palms up,
reaching high up in the air-
beckoning it to come out
and up and down.
It was casual and messy
and didn’t appear ‘spiritual’ at all!
It probably looked like a pitiful backwoods witch who forgot her spells and was crying in frustration.
I touched my heart area and my ribs and my trunk, alot.
I pressed, and I pushed.
I was checking for anything that I could feel besides the physical touch… because anything non-physical was being treated as spiritual, by my new definition.
I scratched, and I tickled.
I traced circles.
I squeezed, and I tapped.
Sometimes, I’d feel something that would cause me to inhale deeply
or hold my breath.
To me, this was progress.
_____
Anytime that I felt the urge to incorporate my breath into my human body,
I felt like I was moving in the right direction.
_____
I only wanted to go more towards my soul and my spirit and my light.
I neither wanted nor needed it to happen suddenly.
But honestly, I knew I was moving deeper inside, so I kept doing it.
There was alot of dancing and moving.
I got down on both knees alot and pressed on my thighs.
_____________________
It progressed to thinking about opposites alot,
and craving contrasts.
I mixed up lows and highs-
down on my knees or laying flat
but reaching high or thinking about the sky.
Visuals of big fires and big bodies of water at the same time.
Feelings of pain and pleasure.
Shadows and light,
Vivid and dark,
Day and night,
Moon and sun.
I began to notice how I always used my hands
and I was always moving
or touching my skin.
This was the God in me
doing what it needed to do
to integrate my feelings
and my thoughts
and my imaginations
with my body again.
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Then my mouth and throat got involved.
This is where it got really deep.
I began asking questions out loud, with my voice.
Then the same human voice would answer the questions,
after thinking and considering the truest answer.
_____
See, this was new.
It was a strange thing for me to use my mouth as my tool to let out the things that were inside of me.
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I began turning on my phone to record these questions because I didn’t want to ‘forget’ the answers.
Hearing my voice on the video saying things that came from my open heart,
was emotional for me.
It was very emotional.
It made me angry and it made me deeply sad.
I resisted letting things out of my mouth often.
My throat would get tight, my teeth would clench, and my hands would linger on my throat and face.
The wisdom that came from my own voice though, was surprising.
It was the ultimate insight for me and my life,
and it was filled with so much discernment about me.
I noticed that I would change my voice slightly sometimes, and I didn’t like doing this at all.
Changing my voice to a different pitch or a different style made me (and still makes me)
feel closed up in a real and physical way.
If I would change my voice between the time of asking the question and giving the answer,
I’d question myself out loud saying, “Why did you do that? You know you changed your voice. Nothing has changed. Stay open.”
My eyes would see all of this transpiring on the recorded video the next day
and it seemed so strange to watch it back when I wasn’t still in the space with myself.
But, I began to learn control.
I learned control over my body’s voice.
Having control over my body’s voice made me feel much more powerful.
A tightness in my throat
or a clenching of my teeth
or an impulse to touch my throat and neck
has now become a major indicator.
These physical signs indicate
that my body may be trying to suppress my soul’s voice again
OR
that my soul might be trying to suppress my body’s voice.
Either way, I don’t let that happen anymore.
_____________________
I will not leave my body or my soul or my mind for any reason.
I will stay aware.
I’ll stay open.
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A Summary
Your Disconnection
If you realize a disconnect between your soul and your body,
the more real and solid you consider the disconnection,
not leaving it abstract,
the more human and real the reconnection will be.
Think of the disconnection as having a space element.
Your soul and body can come closer to each other.
Think of the disconnection as having a motion element.
Your soul and body can move closer and further away from each other.
Think of the disconnection as having a location element.
Your soul literally lives inside of your body.
Your space
Use your intention to enter into the space inside of yourself.
The more physical and concrete you picture the space inside of you,
the more real the connection to your soul can be.
Think of your soul as having room to move around inside of your body,
as opposed to feeling tight and pressed and constrained.
Think about your abdomen area, your chest, your throat, and your head as places inside of you that contain open space for spiritual things.
Your intention
Use physical, human ways to touch your spirit and soul.
Make movements to call your energy back to yourself.
Use your own mouth and voice to speak to your own soul-
ask it questions; then answer those questions.
Use your mind to consider if you’re keeping it 100% real with all parts of yourself-
this is the key.
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The moment you forsake one part of yourself for the other part pf yourself, the disconnect happens.
Use your intention to keep flowing through your soul and your body.
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Go inside of yourself whenever you want to
or whenever time allows.
Your space will become very familiar to you in time.
You’ll want to be there.
Life will begin to feel much more connected and less fragmented.
Your soul and your body will start to blend, and an alchemy will happen inside of your space.
And it’ll never stop.
Till next Saturday,
Angel