In this Letter:
1st: The mindset for self-talk
2nd: The art of spotting self-deception
3rd: Details about the sensation-based approach that I’ve honed
___________
But first, meet her.
She had tattoos, lots of them.
I patronized her as ‘New Age.’
She cussed a little, as if it didn’t make a difference.
She seemed wild.
She struck me as unruly and Pagan.
She talked about the moon, herbs, and independence.
And she had a nose ring.
Her name was Avril.
I was in my early 30s; she was in her early 40s.
I had chosen her to be my midwife after an online search.
_________
In the end,
she was the first woman I ever respected.
The way she communicated awakened a craving in me-
to be spoken to with honesty, directness, and with affirmation.
_________
Avril’s energy commanded mine.
I felt it back then, but I didn’t recognize it.
I still remember it, though.
Her energy affected any atmosphere, and it was undeniable.
The respect I developed for this woman in less than a year was profound.
_________
I never told her.
I only recently realized her profound impact on me.
_________
When she spoke,
she spoke truth.
When she spoke, she affirmed.
Her words held deep seated truths and discernement.
They wrapped up values.
Her words cocooned principles and beliefs.
It was in the intentional way that she said things and the broad scope of her words.
She always spoke of things as journeys, cycles, phases, and rhythms.
It brought profound calmness and security to me, as a woman.
I am so grateful for her feminine example.
Nearly a decade later,
it would shift my perspective of what a woman could be.
______________________________________________
The Only Worthwhile Mindset For Self-Talk
Ode to the human experience- where we can change so profoundly over time.
I have changed profoundly since those days of being closed minded and condescending about a woman such as Avril.
Think about who you were a year ago,
5 years ago.
How much different are you now?
For me, it’s a whole new world.
It feels like I am quite literally evolving into a different person.
Keep in mind that we forever want to grow and expand,
but that doesn’t mean we need to grow in leaps and bounds all the time.
Just. Move. Forward.
A little by little.
It might be extremely subtle.
Even the small shifts are really important.
I say this from experience.
Those subtle shifts in you that only you could notice,
they matter more that you can imagine towards your growth as a person.
I used to be so intimidated by the thought of ‘growing’ or ‘changing.’
It felt abrupt and sudden and unpredictable, which is everything I felt afraid of.
Remember, it’s alchemy- its a flow.
________
Don’t think sudden, abrupt, and unpredictable.
Think Alchemy. Think Metamorphosis.
_________
In life, there’s alot of shifting and reshaping,
and things inside of you are not frozen and standing still.
Not now, and not ever.
Everything is gradual and steady.
It’s all a process.
_________
Think cycles, phases, rhythms, journeys.
_________
And there’s nothing to fear.
It’s happening, and it will continue to happen.
You aren’t doing it, you don’t control it, and you can’t stop it.
NEVER expect that you’re the same as you were.
You’ve either grown, or you have regressed.
You have gone up or down.
Let me rephrase that- you have grown and regressed;
you’ve gone up and down.
There has been change in you,
and it’s been positive, negative, and everything in between.
One thing’s for sure-
Life is always slowly, steadily changing.
___________
This is a good thing.
It’s a sure thing.
And we can rely on that constant flow.
We can use this guarantee of shifting to our advantage
as we carry on with life.
___________
Whether you are growing or deteriorating- it’s gradual and steady.
A gradual and steady deterioration or a gradual and steady expansion.
When we know this,
it becomes obvious that we should be constantly sensing and noticing where we are in life.
Your life is fluid; it’s not frozen.
We’d be stupid to just assume that we are the same as we were last week or last month.
There’s always an alchemy happening, whether you like it or not.
___________
Alchemy is transformative; it completely alters the original.
Alchemy is a metamorphosis; it turns one thing into another.
___________
Begin thinking of yourself as changeable, on the inside. Everything about yourself is changeable and flowing.
Bubbling.
Heating and cooling.
Refining.
Mixing and stirring.
___________
Examples of the alchemical process:
Ice melting from solid to liquid.
A fermenting vegetable going from raw and fresh to powerful and tangy.
Dough rising from simple ingredients to complex flavor.
Metamorphosis evolving a lowly worm to a floating butterfly.
A child growing up from immature to fully developed.
You are not the same all the time.
You change.
Don’t be scared of that.
Don’t be ashamed of that.
And don’t resist that.
______________________________________________
The Subtle Art Of Spotting Self-Deception
At the risk of sounding unusual and a bit ‘out there,’
bear with me as I dive into
the concept of testing and discerning
your own personal (changing) energy.
Thinking about positive affirmations or self encouragement
isn’t enough for me to determine its truth.
Just ‘mentally evaluating’ it is not good enough.
I need more insight.
I bet you do, too.
You need more cues.
_________
Of course, we must think it through,
but we must also learn to feel it in our bodies.
_________
When we speak words out loud,
we release the energy of them into our space.
This energy can tell us a lot about the truth or falsehood
of the statement that just came from our mouth.
The way we feel
can help us decide if what we said
is real.
_________
Let me make something very clear-
If speaking an affirmation feels off,
there is an issue.
But it does not necessarily mean that the words aren’t true.
Just because it feels off, does not mean it is a lie.
It might mean that your current awareness resists that truth.
It will be up to you to probe for the difference between a blatant lie
and a truth that you aren’t accepting.
______________________________________________
The Sensation Based Approach I’ve Honed
If an affirmation feels forced or uncomfortable,
slow down, think it through, and feel those words out.
Without a doubt, lies and truth will feel different for everyone,
and I find it so interesting to think about
why our bodies speak to each of us the way they do
(but that’s another topic for another Letter).
Let me describe how a lie feels for me.
Lies give me a real sense of vulnerability and weakness,
like I’ve been disarmed or paralyzed.
It feels tight around me- kind of like I’m being trapped or caged.
It feels cold.
It feels low and underneath.
It feels tangled.
It feels like a clown- like a mask.
It feels like a performance- like a script.
It feels numb.
It feels wrong.
It feels like fear.
I hate it and have learned to avoid it at all costs.
I know the feeling all too well.
The level of self deception, illusion, and self denial
that characterized my life until my late 30s
was tremendous.
Thankfully, truth makes me feel, too.
Even if it hurts, it feels fundamentally different than a lie.
Let me describe what truth energy feels like for me.
It feels lightweight, like something shedding off.
It feels clear-headed.
It feels wide open.
It feels high, not low.
It feels grounded, not slippery.
It feels still and relaxed, not fidgety.
It feels flowy, not jerky.
It feels like light.
It feels like a surge of confidence.
It feels acute and aware.
It feels right.
___________
Never forget our bodies are energy fields
that resonate with different frequencies.
When we speak truthfully,
our affirmations align with our true vibrational frequency,
creating a sense of balance and well-being.
Likewise, dishonest affirmations disrupt our energy flow,
leading to feelings of imbalance and unease.
You can learn to tell the difference.
______________________________________________
In Conclusion
What we say to ourselves greatly influences our thoughts, behaviors, and therefore our outcomes.
To put it plainly, it affects our energy.
The key to effective affirmations and self-talk is authenticity and truth.
It’s not enough to simply recite a phrase;
we must feel it to be true in our bones, in our energy.
Our bodies are incredibly sensitive to energy- especially our own.
Our body can detect the subtle frequencies and vibrations that our mind might miss.
In my opinion,
it’s essential to “try out” affirmations by speaking them out loud
and then paying attention to how they feel in our body.
It’s important to note that sensations and feelings can be subtle.
They may not always be easily apparent,
especially if self-deception is a habitual pattern.
In fact,
a personal reaction to lies and truth
may be literally muted and suppressed subconsciously.
However, over time,
if you want truth and awareness,
you’re going to get it.
Seek.
You’ll find.
Take it from me- a woman who has recovered from decades of severe self deception.
If you’ll seek, you’ll find.
Till next Saturday,
Angel
